


(Not-so-)Hot Coffee

by SkeletalSailor



Series: I Don't Know What ULTIMA Expected [2]
Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Food Kink, Food Sex, Ignis has sex with a can of coffee, Masturbation, Other, idk how else to put this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-01
Updated: 2018-05-01
Packaged: 2019-04-30 13:07:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14497626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SkeletalSailor/pseuds/SkeletalSailor
Summary: If it was wrong to enjoy Ebony dark roast coffee this much, he didn't want to be right.





	(Not-so-)Hot Coffee

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, hello! This work is a part of a series. While I guess it COULD be read on its own, I suggest you read the first work "Wet Noodles" beforehand in order to understand the jokes better.
> 
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/12569096
> 
> WARNING: there's no easy way to put this. Ignis fucks coffee. If that makes you uncomfortable, you should probably turn away now.

He was finally alone, at long last. Free to indulge in his darkest roast desires.

 

Ignis popped the cap off of the jumbo-sized can, licking his lips at the scent of Ebony. He took a mouthful of the caffeinated beverage; too much liquid in the can and it would spill.

 

Ignis bit his fingers, stifling a moan as he slipped his cock into the can. The aluminum rim was still, tight, and unmoving. The metal was cold against his head as he pressed in.

 

He let out a sigh as he slipped in further, his cock dipping into the chilled liquid. He pulled out, spreading the liquid up his shaft. As miraculous as it was, Ebony wasn't the best lubricant. But it was certainly better than allowing his sensitive member to get suctioned and stuck in the can, something that he had the displeasure of experiencing once before.

 

But now, there was no displeasure; only pleasure, as the can squeezed around his cock, twitching as it sunk into the bitter wetness.

 

His hand shook as it gripped the can, the aluminum denting slightly under the pressure. He dipped in further, his member causing the liquid to spill over, leaking from the sides around his cock.

 

He withdrew himself, switching hands as he raised his fingers to lick the drink from his gloves. He moaned as he thrust deeper, the cool liquid invigorating him in ways mere drinking couldn't do.

 

If it was wrong to enjoy Ebony dark roast coffee this much, he didn't want to be right.

 

Ignis grunted, clutching at the nearby table to brace himself. His breath hitched as he spilled his own special 'creamer' in the can. As they say, the fruit harvested of your own efforts were always sweeter.

 

Finally, he withdrew himself from the can, breathing a small sigh of relief when he didn't get stuck. Wiping the coffee from his cream dispenser, he tucked it back into his trousers to.

 

Ignis knew exactly what to expect in this scenario, and Noctis coming back to catch him with his dick in a can of coffee would be exactly it.

 

Would be, if he weren't incredibly cautious in being caught committing coffee coitus.

 

Ignis leaned against the table with a satisfied smile on his face as Noctis jogged back up the trail of the haven, almost on cue, with a large fish slung over his shoulder.

 

"Seems your fishing trip went well," Ignis swirled the can in his hand as he spoke, mixing its contents together.

 

"Better than that," Noctis beamed. "Gladio and Prompto are bringing the rest of my catches."

 

"So I assume I am to be cooking fish tonight?" he asked.

 

"Yeah," Noctis nodded as he crammed the fish into the cooler. "But not this one. I'm saving this one."

 

"Very well," Ignis dismissed the comment simply as he took a sip of his beverage. A small smile tugged on his lips; no one would be any the wiser.

 

"So..." Noctis turned to Ignis with a lifted eyebrow as he eyed the aluminum can in his grasp. "I might've asked before, but is Ebony really all that good?"

 

"I might've answered before," Ignis took a sip from the cumtaminated can of coffee. "But yes it is."

**Author's Note:**

> i'm so sorry.
> 
> This fic was written under peer pressuring from the ULTIMA: Square Enix + JRPGs group on facebook. A+ group with an excellent community, definitely suggest joining.
> 
> Also you can find me on tumblr @ https://mamathiccnis.tumblr.com/


End file.
